Upon Request: The Adventures of the Mighty Metabolizer

Long ago, in a far away galaxy lived an obnoxious little girl named Linley. The problem with Linley was that she ate, A LOT! She ate so much, that the entire planet went into a famine and the little children looked like stick figures.
"What are we going to do!?" cried the townspeople, "We can't let her stay here, she'll eat us out of house and home...literally!"
Even Linley's childhood pet walrus Paul was feeling the pains of the famine.
"Linley," he said in a deep gravely voice, "I'm hungry. Might I have just little taste of your cookie?"
"I would, but I'm just so hungry. I know I just ate, but...HEY! What's that!?" Linley burst from where she was sitting and ran towards what looked like an enormous ice cream sundae, with cherry and all. As she ran, Paul tried to inch over to her abandoned cookie. As he started to look up, he saw her just about to leap on what was not an ice cream sundae, but a nuclear bomb that was to be shot at their 120th moon!
"No Linley, NO!!!!" shouted Paul, "that's not a..."
BANG! The bomb went off, and the entire city and surrounding mountainsides were flattened. No trees, no buildings, no pretty ornate shrubberies, just a lot of confused people looking around at each other in horror.

Now one of the things that you must understand about the people of this planet is that they are a sturdy people. Not frail like you and I, NO! They are as sturdy as if they were put together with super glue. Like cockroaches I guess you could say. They weren't cockroaches since cockroaches are disgusting and no one likes them. There would be no story if they were in fact cockroaches. No, these people look just like you and I, only sturdier. So the entire world survived this explosion, except the trees, buildings and ornate shrubberies. You get the idea.

"LINLEEEEEEYYYY!" screamed the president of the world, "she did it again. Did you see that? She did it again! We can't keep rebuilding every time her stomach gives her another hallucination!"
A booming voice sounded from no where. Deep and heavy, like thunder, only scarier and no lightning or rain.
"LINLEY...you are hear by banished from this world."
"Wha-what?" stammered Linley.
"You must leave and never return. NEVER! Now GO! And take this stupid walrus with you. He's an insult to animal kind," boomed the voice.
"Now see here," started Paul.
"WHAT?! You dare question me, the great and powerful disembodied voice, you sorry excuse for a mammal!?" screamed the voice, "Go, get out of my sight, I can't look at you anymore."

So Paul and Linley slowly strode towards the nearest intergalactic bus station. She didn't have any bags. She already ate them.
"Boy Paul, this stinks."
"You're telling me!"
"If we just had some food..."
"Food!! Food!!! Is that all you can think about? It's your love of food that got us into this mess in the first place."
"It looked like a sundae. How was I supposed to know that it was actually a ballistic missile aimed to destroy the 120th moon?"
Paul sighed, "where are we going anyway?"
"Who knows, hopefully they have food!"

They rode for days, weeks, maybe even months. By the time they reached any destination, all of the seats, windows, overhead compartments and passengers (except a little green blob named Whitney that she thought didn't look very appetizing). The bus was completely empty except for Paul, Linley and Whitney...oh and the bus driver, but he doesn't come into the story at all.
"Well, since you've eaten everything but the bus...and Whitney, I suppose we should get off here, or you might eat me as well!" groaned Paul.
They hopped off the bus into the clear, bright world of Earth.

"Where are we?" breathed Linley.
"Hmm...by my calculations, it appears we are on a planet inhabited by greenery, water, and crunchy water filled morsels," smacked Whitney.
"Wait a minute, you're hungry too? Have either of you heard of fasting, or dieting, or starving perhaps?"
"I can almost taste 'em. Their watery center with a little crunch around the edges."
"So uh...just out of curiosity, where does it all go? I mean...you're a blob."
"Ah yes...very observant my blubbery friend, I am as you say, a blob," sighed Whitney, "for now at least." And before their very eyes, Whitney stretched and turned and twisted into a beautiful caribou.
"Oh, you look lovely," smacked Linley.
"Hold it Linley, remember...she's a blob."
"Oh yeah..."
"Alright, well Whitney, as much as it pains me, you seem to know your way around here, so you have to be our leader," groaned the walrus.
"Can I just lick her?"
"Yes, I will be your leader! And thus I will lead you. And led you will be...muahahaha!" cackled Whitney.
And off they cantered into the vast city of Brady, TX. As they were coming into the town, Linley made one last groan of hunger.
"I'M SO HUNGRY! Goodbye cruel world, goodbye to all who inhabit it. I barely begun to know thee. Tell my mother I loved her, and my children that their mother did not die in vain. Tell them...tell them to be proud of their dear sweet mummy."
"Okay, first of all, you aren't British so don't say 'mummy'. Secondly, you don't have children. Thirdly, you ate your mother when you were two. And lastly, you are not dying!" snapped Paul, "so just keep walking. Maybe there's a place nearby to eat."
"Yes," thought Whitney, "maybe there is a place to eat."
They came across a pizza parlor full of pizza, and a very handsome young man named Andy Corn. Andy Corn was the most eligable bachelor in Brady. Dashing, witty, and he made the finest pizza this side of the Brazos. When Linley walked into the diner, her whole body melted into a sea of tingles.
"He looks so...tasty," she gasped, "I just want to eat him all up."
"Hold on there Juliet. You don't bite the hand that feeds you, even if you want to eat that hand," Paul corrected.
"Hey! Pets aren't allowed here!"
"Huh?"
"You have to take your pets outside if you want food," Andy called from the counter.
"Pets?"
"Yeah, your caribou and...is that a walrus?"
"Yes, and this walrus has got a name. Got a problem with that?" Paul sneered.
"Good Lordy the great mammal talks."
"Yes, and the caribou does too. I want a large pepperoni, extra cheese on thin crust," Whitney ordered.
"I don't know if I can handle this."
"I feel...faint," groaned Linley.
"Oh...well, hang on, just hang on there now, let me make you a pizza and I'll get you something to drink," Andy hurried into the back and started shuffling around with their order.

As Andy Corn started to bring out their order, Linley zipped over there faster than light, ate the pizza, and sat down before Andy knew what had hit him, or the pizza.
"What the?"
"Mmm...that was good! More more!"
"Okay? I guess I'll go make another one."
When Andy came back out, it wasn't Linley but Whitney who ran to the pizza. Except instead of devouring the pizza, she took it and ran as far away as she could with Linley screaming after her.
"I told you you shouldn't bring pets in here."
Whitney turned back into the hideous green blob and ate the pizza. The pizza oozed down into the depths of her abdomen, or whatever it was, and began to multiply. One after the other, until there were hundreds, thousands, millions of pizzas. They began to flow out of Whitney and onto the street, into houses, buildings and major streets until the entire city was one big pizza buffet. The poor citizens didn't even know what had hit them until Whitney began to grow even more. She grew, tall, wide, and even more disgusting. The towns people tried to scream but they were all trapped under the pizzas. Linley heard the screaming outside and went to check to see what it was. What she saw was the most horrible sight any subhuman has to see. There was a mountain of pizza and on top, an enormous booger. The booger was stomping and roaring. Whitney picked up a human, and CRUNCH, he was gone. And another, CRUNCH! And another CRUNCH!

And ran out, "NOOO! Sarah Corn! That booger ate my wife!!!"
"Wait, you're married??" asked Linley.
"Oh yeah, I have been for a long time, I just try to keep it all hush hush."
"I will save your wife and this little pizza filled town!"
"But how?"
"I must eat...the booger."
And off she ran, chomping the pizza as she went, cutting a path to the enormous mucus monster and her captives. She came to Whitney and all her slimmy glory and was about to take a bite, when she realized, she has muscinex in her pocket! She found it in the vending machine in the pizza shop! Linley through the pills into Whitney and waited. Whitney began to chuckle,
"your little earth pills will not affect me! My ancestors built up an immunity decades ago!"
Linley knew what she must do. This was her purpose. The reason she was born. She took an enormous bite, one by one, and devoured Whitney, including her victims.
"I guess I got a little out of control," smirked Linley.
"That's okay, she was getting on my nerves anyway," smiled Andy, "but how are we going to clean up all this pizza???"
Linley smiled, and in a flash the pizza was gone.
"My word, the pizza is gone! Where did it all go?"
Linley patted her stomach and grinned.
"But you're a twig, not fat at all. You must have a metabolism like the speed of light!"
And off they went with Paul scooting behind them into the sunset. Whenever an evil fiend came to take over Brady, TX, Linley was there to save the day cause she is the
MIGHTY METABOLIZER!!!!